Saturday, August 14, 2010


Our friends had a baby today. It brought back so many emotions for me that I fought tears almost the whole time we were visiting with them. I cant believe its been almost 5 months. Our baby, our tiny little 5lb 6oz baby, is 11 lbs now, rolls around, smiles and laughs and sleeps through the night. Life. It goes so fast.

I remember being so sad that I didnt feel this overwhelming sense of love for her. I felt love, just differently. Mostly I felt this overwhelming sense of protection. Thats probably what helped me for those middle of the night feedings and days of 3 hour sleep. I feel it now. Once I got that first little response from her I was flooded with Love. We were SO unprepared for her arrival. I told myself she wasnt coming for at least 4 weeks. Mostly I think I was still in denial that we were actually having a baby. For 8.5 months it was so surreal and now 5 months later I still say everyday, "shes really, really here and shes really, really ours". Well, mostly ours. Shes Gods gift to us for a while. That reality is the only thing that kept me from going crazy and thinking she died in her sleep everyday. 3 days in I said "I cant do this". and that night was the first night I prayed over her thanking God for her life so far and giving her back to Him fully. I still do it everyday but add a few other things in that prayer now.

I read a blog that makes me cry everytime I read her posts. Angie lost her husband in a racing accident. Her blog is such raw emotions written for the world to read. She speaks truthfully and boldly about her journey through grief. I just read one of her posts and it brought me to tears. This to me, is the best part.

the hopes we had once

not too long before


hopes that


and now

belong just to me.

all your hopes

now fulfilled

and here i am

wondering what to do next.

life. I cannot imagine not having the Hope in Christ to keep me grounded and remind me that...There. Is. More. To. This. Life. His hopes are now fulfilled because he is with Christ for eternity. But she still wants him back and misses him everyday. I dont know what I would do without Mike in this world my heart would be forever torn.

If you think about it say a prayer for her. Shes been through a lot.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

we've been a little busy....

Its been a while to say the least. These last 4 months since K was born have flown by. I find myself saying "when she was little" but shes only 4months now! :) In my own defense she was TINY for so long. She has really started to grow and gain good weight now. Up to about 11 lbs, and long, shes gonna be tall. When its Mikes turn to watch her, I generally come home to find them asleep in all sorts of places and positions. These are some of my favorites.

We've traveled with her and done all sorts of fun things. We went to Hawaii at the end of June to see Mikes family then K and I stayed until July 22nd on Maui with my brother and his family.

This is at Sharks Cove on the North Shore. It was a first for both K and I. Her Daddy is SO happy that she LOVES the water.

I cannot believe we have a kid. I look at her everyday and think..."she's really ours". Thank you Jesus for dreams come true and many, many, many prayers answered. :)