Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Childlike faith

One little part of my job is to stand at a table on Sunday and answer questions about our church. I usually meet very interesting people but I enjoy getting to greet them and give them just a little glimpse of God's love. This Sunday was really unique. The 1st person I spoke with was a young girl, she made eye contact with me and walked straight from the exit doors to me. The words that came next continue to amaze me. She said, "is there someone who can pray with me", I said sure, I can do that whats going on? She continued, "I am pregnant and had my 1st Dr's appt last week. They told me my baby didnt have a heartbeat, but I havent yet begun to miscarry".
Through the course of our conversation I realized how much God wanted us to meet. The odds are unquestionable that it was God. I am continuing to communicate with her as she sees her Dr. this week to determine what to do. She has chosen to wait and see what God will do, there are lots of tests her Dr. is running but it seems like an eternal wait to me. She's had at least 2 ultrasounds on different days and both show no heartbeat. I dont know that I could wait like her.

What I am learning through her is childlike faith. She said she has seen her 7mo pregnant friend be told that her baby had died and when she went in the next day (after much prayer) to deliver, the baby was alive again. She believes that God can do that with her tiny baby. She just keeps saying how much more faith she has because of this. Her Dr. even told her that she can keep waiting and that he has seen "bigger miracles than this". I have had so many disappointments that it is hard for me to believe like she is. God is slowly changing this in me, shaping me into the daughter He wants me to be. A friend told me yesterday how we say we are "trusting God" but that we need to remember He is trustworthy. That shook me hard. Am I just saying I'm trusting God or am I truly believing He is trustworthy? That I should believe like her, not remembering disappointment but believing in His power that He will NOT disappoint me. And remembering when it doesnt go the way I pleaded that it is simply because He knows the future and whats best and will answer in love. THESE sermon messages have come at a desperate time for me. Listen to them, they will change you. (6/28 through 7/19)

So, if you think of her or me would you join us in praying for this miracle? Please pray for Baby G and his mama, and for faith like a child for me.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

An angel

God sent me an angel today. The last month has been nothing short of unbelievable in good and bad. I have seen and felt and heard God's goodness and today he sent me an email from an angel. This is some of what it said....

" I have been thinking about the two of you more and more. I'm not sure if your physical body needs healing but I know that if you are anything like me, the struggle to get pregnant has taken a toll on your mental health. For the next 28 days, I will be fervently praying for you instead of myself. Every time I begin to think about how I would decorate the empty room in my house, or what names I like, I will be praying that God give you the desires of your heart. I will be praying for your marriage; that it continues to strengthen and that you will continue to fall in love with your husband more and more each day. I pray that you will let all unforgiveness and guilt and anger go. If your body needs healing, I pray that God bring that to you. I pray that you find peace. I don't know if I am the one designed to pray for you but it can't hurt. I no longer want to be selfish in my prayers".

The last few weeks have been filled with utter joy and totally devastation. I dont think I've ever in my life felt so many conflicting emotions. Today was the first day I realized I actually felt normal again and then I received this email. I sit with tears flowing and heart absolutely amazed and filled with love.
So sweet angel, I will pay it forward and do the same for someone else.You have challenged me to think outside my own box. Thank you for showing me God's goodness today. Thank you for living our vision of being real. Thank you for stepping out in faith and sharing with me how God has spoken to you. I know that through your love and obedience you will be blessed. My dear sweet friend, I bless you with truth and the ability to feel hope as you trudge through the unknown future.
We know the ending of the story, God wins everytime.

P.s. The definition of "trudge" is...
n : a long difficult walk
v 1: walk heavily and firmly

Firmly. Set on the firm foundation of our great savior. Heavily, knowing
that the ground you are firmly walking on is supported by Christ.