Unbearable

When Alamea was just a few weeks old a very sweet friend told me, "I know, at times, that parenting can feel almost unbearable". Hearing this brought tears to my eyes because that was exactly how I was feeling. Thoughts like "Can I really handle 2 babies at different stages at the same time all by myself?" sent me into tailspins of overwhelming days. "A" is now a little over 5 months and those unbearable days are certainly abundant, but, I have survived. My most recent unbearable went a little like this:

Wake up 1.5 hours early, because the children woke up 1.5 hours early because of teething and colds

Try to make breakfast for child #1, while child #2 SCREAMS her head off (and yes, we have housemates currently)

Try to quiet screaming child so housemates can sleep, continue breakfast

Put child #1 in high chair to eat, feed child #2 who simultaneously has a major poop-splosion

get child #1 out of high chair because she's yelling "OUT", "OUT", "OUT"

Change child #2's diaper and clothes and socks

Discover that while I was changing child #2, Child #1 has taken off her clothes AND diaper and peed on the kitchen floor

While cleaning up urine pool in kitchen, said child #1 comes running out of her bedroom saying "mommy, that, mommy that"

Discover that while I was cleaning urine pool in kitchen, she POOPED on the floor in her room. O.M.G...

put child #1 on toilet (perhaps a little late, but oh well lets keep her contained) to clean up poop, and discover she has peed AGAIN but hasn't learned yet how to aim DOWN, so it sprayed straight out.

Clean up MORE URINE off floor, toilet and child. Wash child from poop and pee. Re-diaper, re-clothe child.

Take deep breathe, put on a sweatshirt over my braless, nursing tank only clad, still has too much baby weight self, throw on shoes, put all the children in the car and drive through Starbucks for a Venti Caramel Machiato and venti water. Child #1 from the

backseat apparently has become aware of what a drive thru is because she is yelling "mommy, food, mommy food".

So on to Del taco for an extra large fry, Dr pepper and kids meal for her. Then out for a drive because that was too short of an outing to just go home and they are not even asleep yet.

This is when the crazy thoughts come in...."lets sell everything and go live in Thailand so I can afford a maid", yea, stuff like that.

This is all before noon, a normal day for me. Plus ya know, laundry, meal planning, groceries, sweeping, moping, cleaning out toys, rotating clothes sizes, vacuuming, dishes etc...

Unbearable.

Since A was born I just haven't been myself. Doing things, saying things and feeling things, I would N.E.V.E.R do or say or feel. I have at times I'll admit been a bit on the "crazy side" just trying to survive. I hear ALL.The.Time from older women things like, oh your kids are so close, you will just love it when they are older. Yay, Ok. Well, in the meantime can you come live with me so I can take a shower today maybe?

I love my kids, a truly unbelievable love that I thought for sure I would never know and now I do. I love when they say new words, make funny faces, look lovingly at me and sweetly say mommy, hold my hand, sleep next to me and want to copy what I'm doing because I am their mom. But there are days that are almost unbearable. I hope I never forget these almost unbearables, so that I can help others in those days, and be there for my kids, and remember my place in life.

My God may not have given me the unbearable, He simply lets me go through them so that I might have a greater appreciation of what He has done for me. He gave it all, and without Starbucks I might add. His days were surely unbearable yet He still chose to walk and die for me. I am one lucky girl, blessed beyond measure with a few days of hard times to remind me I am not alone and cannot do this by myself.

Thanks for loving me, even in my crazy.