Childlike faith

One little part of my job is to stand at a table on Sunday and answer questions about our church. I usually meet very interesting people but I enjoy getting to greet them and give them just a little glimpse of God's love. This Sunday was really unique. The 1st person I spoke with was a young girl, she made eye contact with me and walked straight from the exit doors to me. The words that came next continue to amaze me. She said, "is there someone who can pray with me", I said sure, I can do that whats going on? She continued, "I am pregnant and had my 1st Dr's appt last week. They told me my baby didnt have a heartbeat, but I havent yet begun to miscarry".
Through the course of our conversation I realized how much God wanted us to meet. The odds are unquestionable that it was God. I am continuing to communicate with her as she sees her Dr. this week to determine what to do. She has chosen to wait and see what God will do, there are lots of tests her Dr. is running but it seems like an eternal wait to me. She's had at least 2 ultrasounds on different days and both show no heartbeat. I dont know that I could wait like her.

What I am learning through her is childlike faith. She said she has seen her 7mo pregnant friend be told that her baby had died and when she went in the next day (after much prayer) to deliver, the baby was alive again. She believes that God can do that with her tiny baby. She just keeps saying how much more faith she has because of this. Her Dr. even told her that she can keep waiting and that he has seen "bigger miracles than this". I have had so many disappointments that it is hard for me to believe like she is. God is slowly changing this in me, shaping me into the daughter He wants me to be. A friend told me yesterday how we say we are "trusting God" but that we need to remember He is trustworthy. That shook me hard. Am I just saying I'm trusting God or am I truly believing He is trustworthy? That I should believe like her, not remembering disappointment but believing in His power that He will NOT disappoint me. And remembering when it doesnt go the way I pleaded that it is simply because He knows the future and whats best and will answer in love. THESE sermon messages have come at a desperate time for me. Listen to them, they will change you. (6/28 through 7/19)

So, if you think of her or me would you join us in praying for this miracle? Please pray for Baby G and his mama, and for faith like a child for me.

An angel

God sent me an angel today. The last month has been nothing short of unbelievable in good and bad. I have seen and felt and heard God's goodness and today he sent me an email from an angel. This is some of what it said....

" I have been thinking about the two of you more and more. I'm not sure if your physical body needs healing but I know that if you are anything like me, the struggle to get pregnant has taken a toll on your mental health. For the next 28 days, I will be fervently praying for you instead of myself. Every time I begin to think about how I would decorate the empty room in my house, or what names I like, I will be praying that God give you the desires of your heart. I will be praying for your marriage; that it continues to strengthen and that you will continue to fall in love with your husband more and more each day. I pray that you will let all unforgiveness and guilt and anger go. If your body needs healing, I pray that God bring that to you. I pray that you find peace. I don't know if I am the one designed to pray for you but it can't hurt. I no longer want to be selfish in my prayers".

The last few weeks have been filled with utter joy and totally devastation. I dont think I've ever in my life felt so many conflicting emotions. Today was the first day I realized I actually felt normal again and then I received this email. I sit with tears flowing and heart absolutely amazed and filled with love.
So sweet angel, I will pay it forward and do the same for someone else.You have challenged me to think outside my own box. Thank you for showing me God's goodness today. Thank you for living our vision of being real. Thank you for stepping out in faith and sharing with me how God has spoken to you. I know that through your love and obedience you will be blessed. My dear sweet friend, I bless you with truth and the ability to feel hope as you trudge through the unknown future.
We know the ending of the story, God wins everytime.

P.s. The definition of "trudge" is...

trudge
   n : a long difficult walk
   v 1: walk heavily and firmly

Firmly. Set on the firm foundation of our great savior. Heavily, knowing 
that the ground you are firmly walking on is supported by Christ.

Hope

Today I needed hope. I spent a good amount of time in prayer last night and Hope was what God needed me to have. Today I read about it and hope it gives you hope too. I have meditated on these verses for months and they mean so much more to me today. I was reminded that I already have hope, I just forgot I had it and forgot to see it.

~Romans 5:3,4&5 (NLT)

We can rejoice too when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this HOPE will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly GOD LOVES US, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His love.

Hawaii

in T minus 5 days. woot.
We go to Hawaii at least twice a year. My hubby grew up on Oahu and much of his family is still there. This trip is special though. We get to take a few friends with us this time. My brother, sister-in-law and niece live on Maui and we are going to stay with them a few days too. The irony is that Mikes mom has been staying with us for a week here in Cali and she's flying back with us next week, but she has some work to do on other islands so we wont even see her until late in the week. Of all the times I've been to Hawaii there is still so much I haven't done. Eat shave ice for one. Never had it in HI ever. Thats on my list to do this time. Since we are avid followers of LOST
we will be trying to drive and see some of the "islands secrets" or places they film! :)
I always worry about posting TOO much info just in case some crazy is reading, but robbers beware we already have a house guest/sitter for the week and our neighbors keep watch for us too.
Maybe when we get back we can move into our new house???? ugg...the joys of home ownership. Carpet is getting installed tomorrow which is helping me feel very accomplished these days. Now if only the kitchen was put back together.....one can only hope.

Boots with the fur.

This made me giggle A LOT. Everyone needs a good chuckle on Monday. Enjoy.

My favorite free stuff add in craigs list

Seriously people, just throw it away or take it to Goodwill.

FREE STUFF (rialto)

I HAVE ABOUT 5 CHRISTMAS TAPES AND THE BEACHES SOUND TRACK, OLIVA NEWTON-JOHN GREATEST HITS AND GLORIA ESTEFAN'S REACH SINGLE. I ALSO HAVE SOME SIZE 2 BLUES CLUES SLIPPERS AND SOME SOFT BLUE SHOES WITH SOCCAR BALLS ON THEM, A PAIR OF SIZE 10 IN LITTLE GIRLS LIGHT BROWN CAPRIS. THE SANDLES IN THE PICTURE ARE FOR SALE *NOT FREE*

CASSETTE TAPES AND LITTLE GIRL CAPRIS (PENDING PICK UP TOMARROW 5/19/09)

• Location: rialto
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

"...my achy breaky heart"

Oh my heart, my pitiful broken heart. When will I feel the healing hand of my God?
I Spent 2 days at monastery this week seeking healing and direction from God. I heard a lot from him and cried the hardest I've cried in a long time. Came home to the surprise of a new home and still can't get passed one small thing...I have no children to fill either house. Its just us. Even now, writing this my eyes are welling with tears. Oh how I long for kids to hear cry and snuggle with and let run in the yard with nothing but a diaper on. It was the only thing I wanted to talk to God about on my retreat and the only thing he didn't speak about.
One of the hardest parts with being open and honest about our struggle with fertility is that people start to become afraid to tell you they are pregnant. And then when my genuine joy for them is expressed the phrase I hear time and time again is "thank you for being happy for us". As if I wouldn't join them in sharing their joy. And then the great accuser sends lies to attack and all I hear is "they are all looking at you and thinking, poor Amanda she can't conceive. It will NEVER happen for you."
Anyone wanna drop off a kid on my doorstop?
This sucks.